Dear Cllr Alan,
We’re writing to ask you to refrain from insulting your constituents with ridiculously poor quality mail-outs.
You may have fooled others with your ‘personal’ hand signed messages, but you managed to send four to this address – you can’t fool everybody Al. It’s not just the arrogance with which you send these though, it’s that you can’t even be bothered to proofread – surely government cuts aren’t that bad? Or did quality control and attention to detail go out of the window with your party’s principles?
Problem 1. You say: “I am writing to welcome you as a new resident.”
We say: We’re not new residents; we’ve been here all our lives.
Problem 2. You say: “I hope that you will enjoy living in [area]”
We say: You can’t even fill in the blanks; you are very lazy.
Problem 3. You say: “Best wishes for July 16th [birthday]!”
We say: Probably well intentioned, but a little bit weird considering that’s not for half a year. And one of us will be celebrating their birthday on May 21st, which is much sooner – yet they didn’t receive well wishes. You are an embarrassing sycophant.
We return the offending documents in this envelope as we can’t bear to have them in our house a second longer.
We had hoped the local version of the national disgrace that is the Liberal Democrats (you had our votes last year… never again) would provide some salvation for the politically optimistic in this country. We do hope your seat is up for
eviction election this round as it’s about time people like you were put in your place.
Don’t take us for granted because we won’t let you get away with it.
The McManus Kids